Going Through Spiritual Confusion
"Jesus answered and said, 'You do not know what you ask.' " (Matthew 20:22)

There are times in your spriritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you.
The Shrouding of His Friendship (see Luke 11:5-8). Jesus gave the illustration here of a man who appears not to care for his friend. He was saying, in effect, that is how the heavenly Father will appear to you at times. You will think that He is an unkind friend, but remember---He is not. The time will come when everything will be explained. There seems to be a cloud on the friendship of the heart, and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller fellowship and oneness. When God appears to be completely shrouded, will you hang on with confidence in Him?
The Shadow on His Fatherhood (see Luke 11:11-13). Jesus said that there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father---as if He were callous and indifferent---but remember, He is not.  "Everyone who asks receives..." (Luke 11:10). If all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed in your life.
The Strangness of His Faithfulness (see Luke 18:1-8). "When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?" (Luke 18:8). Will He find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of confusion? Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now.
-Oswald Chambers

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty." (Psalm 91:1)

"Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry." (Habukkuk 2:3)

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths." (Provers 3:5-6)

loving life...every second.
-eb

So, life. Im pretty much overwhelmed at the moment with all thats on my mind and heart.  Here are some realizations I've made this week: 1) Jesus is really and truly all I need.  He's the only true friend I have.  He's the only one who really wants to listen to me... He's the only one that cares.  (I mean... really cares). He's my Lover and Fulfiller of everything I need right now. What more could I ask for?  2) Senior year is going to be hard. 3) Im going to college in 11 1/2 months. 4) I need encouragement. a lot.  5) I have to be totally set apart... in everything.... above reproach... not loving anything of this world, but totally in love with Jesus. 6) I love my church family. I love them all... so much.  Yeah, I knew all these things before this week, but they hit me like never before.  I've just been struggling the past couple days with being so lonely. So desperately lonely.  lemme just be real for a few minutes:  A couple nights ago I asked Jesus to do whatever it took to get me broken before Him. To get me humble before Him. To get me totally focused on Him.  The next day,  something happened that just made me cry out to Him and say "why did I ever rely and trust this person?" Im learning to lean on Him.... Then yesterday my mom (totally unaware of all that im going through) sends me three emails about waiting on the Lord.  And it hit me.  WAITING.... mber emily, thats your 'theme' for this year?! are you doing that???   NO. Im, in a word i never say, freaking out about life stuff.  Im relying on myself to get myself through all this stuff. And you know what? Its not working. at all.
A guy-friend sent me an incredible forward this week about this homeschooled girl that got married when she was 18.  She courted this amazing guy for a year and a half... and the thing that stuck out to me about that story was that she waited. she was totally pure. and when she read the letter from the man who wanted to court her she said, "im not worthy of him!" how amazing.... Im not worthy of my Jesus.  And when (if) I get married i want to say that about my husband. im not worthy... That story was just so encouraging to me!
we now have a youth pastor at my church. his name is Pokey. (lol, just a nickname!) he's pretty cool.... we're starting a Bible study on Daniel next Wednesday...  Im just so stinkin excited to finally have a youth pastor!!!!
my little brother is now going to a private school.  its weird.  i never see him. but my mom has been letting me go pick him up (its about a 30 minute drive)... so we talk and sing on the way home.
i haven't talked to any all state people lately---or Garaywa girls---and it hurts my heart so bad.  i miss them all...

but since xanga is dead and no-one ever comments anymore im gonna stop typing this post and go do something productive... like get ready for bed. (thats right... bed... im pooped!!!)
im praying for all you beautiful people... i love you guys!

leaning on Jesus.....a lot.
-Em
Hosea 12:6